I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
