So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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