i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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