woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
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She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
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He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.