he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
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Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
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I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.