that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.