apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
