In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
