So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
