Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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