My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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