found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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