she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
