Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
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Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
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Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought