you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
