you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
either way he was missing a nipple.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We left an ass print on the piano.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
