She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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