Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I smell like Dick and happiness
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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