how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
