Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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