Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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