you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
