he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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