You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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