I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
