Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
