Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
