I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
