Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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