forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
