idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
