you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
