i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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