After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
