After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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