Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
