Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
