I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
