we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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