that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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