Texts From Last Night

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  (647): View more from Ontario

  a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.

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  (647): a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much. http://tfl.nu/8vwu
  Replies (79) Good night (4252) Bad night (857)
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  (925): View more from California

  It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.

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  (925): It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article. http://tfl.nu/yngr
  Replies (44) Good night (1390) Bad night (5441)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.

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  (416): Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck. http://tfl.nu/lba2
  Replies (16) Good night (7373) Bad night (1202)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  u sound so gay right now

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  (617): I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me. (978): u sound so gay right now http://tfl.nu/zm49
  Replies (35) Good night (7095) Bad night (1253)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman

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  (703): he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman http://tfl.nu/zmqz
  Replies (22) Good night (4335) Bad night (2341)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  $5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.

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  (512): $5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am. http://tfl.nu/bt4r
  Replies (10) Good night (1827) Bad night (2779)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.

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  (517): Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever. http://tfl.nu/mubr
  Replies (10) Good night (5498) Bad night (871)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Hahaha. That's funny.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship

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  (847): That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am (248): Hahaha. That's funny. (847): But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship http://tfl.nu/cr13
  Replies (6) Good night (3269) Bad night (596)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.

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  (914): I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go. http://tfl.nu/xxmp
  Replies (2) Good night (1020) Bad night (486)
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  (61): View more from Australia

  Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair

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  (61): Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair http://tfl.nu/j3o5
  Replies (7) Good night (564) Bad night (375)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido

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  (214): I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido http://tfl.nu/vkd6
  Replies (4) Good night (731) Bad night (329)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4

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  (706): I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4 http://tfl.nu/1te5
  Replies (7) Good night (379) Bad night (618)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural

  (407): View more from Florida

  YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT

  (239): View more from Florida

  ..........

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  (239): I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural (407): YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT (239): .......... http://tfl.nu/j8fw
  Replies (8) Good night (1593) Bad night (484)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.

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  (941): It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone. http://tfl.nu/ovby
  Replies (0) Good night (323) Bad night (372)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself

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  (210): literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself http://tfl.nu/l1mf
  Replies (4) Good night (421) Bad night (1430)

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