I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I think I am morally bankrupt
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
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He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.