Texts From Last Night

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  (802): View more from Vermont

  does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children

  (1-802): View more from Vermont

  actually, i try not to think about it

  (802): View more from Vermont

  and i pooped them out

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  (802): does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children (1-802): actually, i try not to think about it (802): and i pooped them out http://tfl.nu/h4ew
  Replies (54) Good night (8168) Bad night (1936)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year

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  (517): this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year http://tfl.nu/tikr
  Replies (19) Good night (8728) Bad night (1247)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.

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  (954): I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother. http://tfl.nu/rbuh
  Replies (9) Good night (2779) Bad night (1641)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night

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  (608): He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night http://tfl.nu/for8
  Replies (9) Good night (4956) Bad night (1755)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.

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  (215): Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes. http://tfl.nu/s26z
  Replies (8) Good night (1994) Bad night (1670)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.

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  (240): We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/70u9
  Replies (3) Good night (2139) Bad night (1072)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.

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  (510): Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it. http://tfl.nu/z26i
  Replies (4) Good night (2418) Bad night (815)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.

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  (920): The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight. http://tfl.nu/gkvw
  Replies (3) Good night (1433) Bad night (817)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.

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  (850): Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer. http://tfl.nu/iky6
  Replies (23) Good night (2899) Bad night (868)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.

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  (757): Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant. http://tfl.nu/nvyb
  Replies (8) Good night (605) Bad night (1071)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?

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  (208): I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know? http://tfl.nu/ulgs
  Replies (3) Good night (674) Bad night (395)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?

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  (717): You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING? http://tfl.nu/nnf3
  Replies (3) Good night (829) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"

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  (410): he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco" http://tfl.nu/ntm8
  Replies (4) Good night (1016) Bad night (352)
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  (530): View more from California

  I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that

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  (530): I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that http://tfl.nu/q232
  Replies (0) Good night (510) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.

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  (813): oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face. http://tfl.nu/k9si
  Replies (5) Good night (398) Bad night (819)

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