soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize