I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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