you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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