tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
