do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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