You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
