There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize