I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
