I love black thongs
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
