Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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