butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
