He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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