dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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