I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Randomize
