Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
