The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
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Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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