i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i think my cat just said my name.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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