he wants to bone in the snuggie
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Actions speak louder than pants.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
