so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
