OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
