butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
