Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
